10 years after 9.11.01

I ment to write this before midnight, so the post date would have the 9.11 date. But I've been addicted to Pintrest lately and got distracted....

As I was thinking today about where I was ten years ago today, I realized I think I have never written down my reaction to the events of that day.

It was my Senior year of high school and my mom and I had just moved back from California, so that I might spend my senior year at West, to graduate with my friends.
I remember we were out shopping the day before, for things I'd need when my Mom returned back to Berkeley to be with my sister. As we left the store, I remember having a weird feeling, the day seemed oddly quiet, I thought it was the just the fact, I was nervous to start again at West and the lack of business was due to the fact school had started and the rush to buy for the new year was over. But I just brushed it off and blamed it on my tendency to get anxiety over loads....

I didn't have to take very many classes to close out my high school career, and I got to skip the normal 7:35 am school bell, so I remember waking up that morning to my Mom running up the stairs. "wake-up! there's been a bombing and thousands of people are dead in New York!, It's horrible" It didn't make sense, it was too extreme. I remember the white wall of bedroom and the morning's natural lighting of the room clashed with the event of the day...my peaceful world in contrast with the horror going on.
I jumped out of bed and ran to my stereo as it was the only source that I could figure out what was going on. I turned it on, knowing if this was really what was happening, any station would be talking about it. The first few minutes listening to it, I remember standing in front of my stereo, thinking "oh my gosh, it is true" It was a reporter, hysterical. I think it was when the second plane hit or one of the towers collapsed. I'm not sure, or maybe it was the fact that since we didn't not have a TV and could not see the images right off, anything the reporters said over the radio sounded much much much worse. I know that is kinda funny to say in describing the events of that day. The thing that comes to mind is, when back in the days of radios were the main entertainment and alien abductions/encounter stories were the thing. If you turned on the radio in the middle of one of those programs it was easy to get your imagination running and think that it was true. I felt the same way, I came in on what seemed to be the middle of this fantasy program and got sucked in...except it was real.

My Mom and I went to the store to purchase one of those little TV/VCR combos so we could have a TV to watch. I don't even remembering picking out the TV, all I could stare at was the wall of TV's with the planes flying into the Trade Center and watching in horror as one of the towers collapse.
I really wish I could remember exactly when and where I saw some of the day's events. I know I felt my jaw drop as I watched a tower fall, but where I don't remember. I remember walking the halls of school, the TV's in classroom on, the school quiet, as we all tried to understand what it would mean for us.

I had Miss Whinn that year, and if any of you other West people know, if you get her talking on current events, you could keep her going for the whole period. We talked about it for three days...I'm glad I had her class, I remember thinking, this was a lot to take in, but now I know a little more of why...

I felt so out of sorts for a week. I wanted to talk on how it made me feel, so I called a friend and I remember being kinda miffed at her as she barely addressed my need to talk it out. How I was trying to wrap my teenage brain around what it would mean for me? Although my friend I decided to attend a candlelight vigil, that was supposed to be downtown a few days after. We must of gotten the address wrong as we couldn't find it, and ended up just walking around with our candles. Which helped, we got some acknowledgement from passer's by as they understood what those candles ment. It made me feel like I did something to show my sadness.

I still have a hard time believing I was alive in such event. It felt like i was reading out the events in a History text book.. Those things didn't happen in modern day America. Things like that happend in my Mom's time, like when JFK was shot or when Jason's Opa was forced to work for the Nazi's during WW2.

In someways in my very small attention span to all things political, I can see how in the first years after 9.11 that it helped, or at least i wanted to see it in that light, bring us together stronger as a nation. But as I look back on the decade after, I'm sad to see and hear stories of intolerance and un-acceptance. In my mind there is so way to be "in-divisible, under God" if we first don't end our intolerance. The main reason why I make this point, is I heard on NPR stories of Muslin Americans, trying to live a normal life after the attacks and hearing one caller's story in particular of how he went to the supermarket just after the attacks and was completely ignored, because his wife was wearing the traditional head scarf of Muslin women. Stories of Muslin children, being bullied at school, still to this day, because of where their families are from. It breaks my heart.

I love where I live, I am so grateful for the freedoms this country provides, it's a beautiful place to be. It is my hope in all the remembrance of the events of today and what happened today a decade ago, that we remember what the US is about. We are a beautiful collaboration of people from all walks of life. We can become that nation in-divisible under God, if we first let it begin with us.